4 de novembro de 2014


We live an era of transitory things. We've gotten used to trends that change every blink of an eye, cellphones that lose functionality at every system update, products made not ​​to last. Everything becomes disposable, including feelings. We hope the brand-new purchased item or the latest relationship lasts longer than the previous one. However, while we cling to this obsession for what's new, we'll keep discarding and being discarded.

Relying on lies is the cause of frustration. If we realize the truth behind masks, we won't raise expectations. Then everything will get simpler. Possessions are some of those masks people wear to disguise what is missing within. And, more and more, people prefer to have than to be.

Falling in love is surrendering to the new. When we expect this new to be perennial, we run the risk of being discarded, we get disappointed with the act of falling in love itself. Thus, people become isolated and void, because they interpret the bad experiences they've had as a reason to raise shields against others. And this is it, some people wear masks, others raise shields and the ones who don't make up their feelings may fall flat on their unprotected faces.

But sometimes falling flat on an unprotected face might make one realize the truth that hides behind all of those masks and shields. After all, overcoming frustration has nothing to do with the luck of not getting hurt. It's all about self-knowledge, self-esteem and low expectations.

Several people look for the solution to their loneliness on others when in fact that solution lies within themselves. When they say they need to find the other half, they are crying for help. It means that something is missing and they do not feel whole anymore, if they ever did. They feel broken, they lack a piece. Others look for someone to love, and claim that they have much love to give. It is possible that this exceeding love is a result of not using that reserve to love themselves.

Imagine a beggar asking another beggar for food. Both leave that relationship hungry.

The ideal situation is one where a person does not depend on the other. And it is this independence that creates true love. God loves all of His children, but do not bid all of them to obey His laws or believe in His existence, nor even to love Him back. He lets them have different kinds of relationship with Him, knowing that they are happier that way. Love is independent of the presence, independent of retribution, it is a fullness and wholeness, which is the opposite of loneliness or need.

While people are in need or lonely, they will always be jealous of the things they possess, for they will always be afraid of losing what was hard to find. And consequently will lose it!

When you depend on someone, you feel stuck. And all you want when you feel stuck is to be free. So, at the first hint of self-sufficiency, the bird flaps its wings even knowing how much that nest was comfortable. This detachment always happens in times of crisis. But it's the way we see the crisis that will make it a traumatic or liberating experience.

Self-knowledge is only attainable if you're true about yourself. I love men with a thick, full hair, what does that say about me? I hate being bald. This puts me in a position of need. What can I do about it? Or I implant hair on my scalp, or I learn to like my bald head, I can even make it stylish. François Sagat is a French model and porn actor who was getting bald and in an attempt to make his skull more proportional, he decided to get a tattoo that looked like a haired scalp, and added some perpendicular lines on his bald head, creating a striking image out of something he previously considered a flaw.

If I love guys who have a six-pack and I have a protruding tummy myself, it's time to go to gym, because it indicates that when I'm shirtless in front of a mirror, I may not like what I see and this is a sign of need. And a needy person will never be a perfect lover, because who does not love oneself, can not love the other to the fullest. They fall for what the other has, for the image they make of the other, an image that is a reflection of what they would like to be seeing in their mirror. It is a sick relationship disguised as love.

Jealousy is a sign of lack of self esteem. You depend so much on the other that you end up imprisoning them. We were taught that love requires presence, but actually love requires action. And the action is never directed toward the other, the action is directed at ourselves, not for our growth to cause others to feel the energy that emanates from us. But they will eventually feel it. Love does not expect anything in return, does not demand a reward, it just is.

The problem is that many in this phase of self-discovery and self-reliance are giving so much attention to themselves that they end up locked up to the world. They become lovers of themselves, and use others as an outlet. Of these, we need to keep distance because they are a threat to our self-esteem.

"The river passes by the side of a tree, saying hello, nourishing the tree, giving water to the tree... and it moves on, dances on. It does not cling to the tree. the tree showers its flowers onto the river in deep gratitude, and the river moves on. The wind comes and dances around the tree and moves on. And the tree gives its fragrance to the wind." (Osho)

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